Independence Day PreRamble

So as my sibling pointed out earlier this week there is a ban on fireworks in our town because of fire dangers... And I am sure some of you reading this are quite frustrated by this.

And I know what all of you out there are thinking, "Honey Badger Don't Care! I'm Gonna blow a hole in this country! Its my God given right! I A 'Murican!" I really hope none of you think like that but I feel to some degree that is a pretty solid translation.

Remember one of the key lessons on being a Honey Badger about taking what you want however. That lesson being to consider the consequences, I don't mean legal either. What I mean is, if you were to go out and pick up a box that you will set aflame, that will throw balls of burning gas and twinkling stars of burning powders, that makes a tiny representation of the known universe being eaten by a Pirate Donkey and a Ninja Elephant all while farting The Star-Spangled Banner, and summoning The Great Old Ones from Raleigh. That yeah its going to be pretty fucking spectacular. Hell I would sell a few first born children for that, but at the same time you are spraying super heated compounds into the bone-dry undergrowth around you.

I know in a perfect world we would never have to worry about grass or trees or anything because the entire world will be paved and the oxygen content of the air we breath will be so low that nothing is capable of combustion, and once we have blotted out the sun to keep the ozone layer from getting any worse we won't have to worry about it being too hot ever... But I side track.

Remember this isn't a warning saying "Don't do it, because Honey Badger doesn't want to pay a fine, or do some jail time or whatever..." because the true honey badger will take that into consideration and determine whether or not he wants to spend an extra forty dollars for front row seats of Cthulhu eating that dick that has to play his car stereo at 5am with full bass, or watching The Creeping Horror Nyarlathotep flip neighborhood dogs that shit in your lawn inside out. Hell or even having Ulthar over for a barbeque... Fuck I don't care which Lovecraftian Terrors you summon for whatever reason... What I don't want is to have the thirty minutes worth of fun, and hours worth of work because my entire neighborhood is on fire and they all know it was me because guess who was seen lighting off the little cardboard box in the shape of the White House with big letters proclaiming "The Biggest One" and some level of warning in Chinese telling you that dragons are hard to tame and impossible to train so summon them at your own risk.

What I am saying is, I swear to all of the Elder Gods if I come home to find out that some asshole was playing with fireworks with a ban in place, and it burned down my home or otherwise put my kitty at risk I will find you...

Your very warm and fairly disgruntled
King Badger